Lesbian Shoe Throwing 2004

I found a shoe in my garden this morning. Well I say a shoe but it was more of a faux Kickers ankle boot. It was a size 6 so it couldn't be mine and housemate is a 9 so it's not his.

I was pondering this strange uninvited guest over coffee and a fag after disposing of 4 Molly poos.........that dog must be 90% bowel the size of these muthas.

Anyways I got to thinking about football for some reason and the affect it has on Lesbians. Did I tell you we have Lesbians at the bottom of our garden. They are like foxes really. Never see them during the day but what a bloody racket they make when they kick off. We've had 2 outburst recently following the England games in Euro 2004.

Last Sunday we could hear them whooping and screaching during the game. Come full time and things went quiet for a while. Next thing the pair of them are hurling abuse at each other, doors are slamming and their German Shepherd is going nuts in the garden in between chucking itself at the living room window. No doubt trying to get in there to split them up.

OK so post-match madness is not restricted to our Lesbians. Apparently the entire contents of the Walkabout pub in Croydon spilled out after the match and mugged a tram and jumped on car roofs just to make sure everyone knew they were pissed off. We had helicopters circling for hours.

Yesterday the England boys were at it again and needless to say the Lesbians were on the terraces in spirit. Singing and cheering they're hearts out. They were ecstatic at the result and played Three Lions over and over again until one lager too many and the fireworks started again. This fight lasted another hour, indoors and out, until a police car rolled up and tranquility was restored again.

The point of this rambling is that it's strange the affect that alcohol can have on people. I'm lucky. I just get happy/daft and then fall alseep but some people get so aggressive and argumentative irrespective of whether or not they have had a good time.

Any-road-up - I've just been trying to assemble the washing airer that I got from B&Q yesterday and who should be hanging over the fence but Lesbian No 1. The one with the long mullett that looks like Gene Simmons from KISS but less attractive.

'Hey Steps' she says. 'Can I have my shoe back'