Monday, May 14, 2007

Blame it on the lesbian nun!


It only took the words ‘lesbian nun’ and I was hooked. 7 summer’s later and I’m breaking out in a sweat in anticipation of the launch of Big Brother 8. From the minute the first housemate steps out of the limo and waves nervously at the baying crowd, my summer of love (and hate) begins.

The build up has already started and I find myself roaming fan sites and forums on the off-chance of a launch night leak or a sneaky peak at the new house. Seeking out silhouettes of prospective housemates and dodgy aerial shots of building work at Elstree has already become an obsession. My tabloid quota has trebled and Heat magazine is compulsory reading on my way to work.

The cries of ‘Oh I’m not watching it this year’ are already ringing around the office but by the end of week two I bet we’ll be taking sides and analysing personality disorders in pubs across the land for the next 11 weeks. Sure as hell beats pondering over Tony Blair’s legacy!

The genius of Big Brother lies in the casting. Even the strange blip that was BB4 had its share of heroes and villains. A human zoo with designer furniture and copious amounts of alcohol is a magical combination.

I started fretting about BB earlier than usual. I’ve spent a few sleepless nights worrying about red buttons, multi-coloured eyes and hoping the Virgin Media adverts don't have annoying characters with shit catchphrases. The Carphone Warehouse flies were a particular low point.

Big Brother will be taking over our lives very soon. We’ll love and loathe the housemates and argue about their nocturnal habits. The Eviction crowd will boo everyone and usually for no good reason. Oh and Dermot will wear shorts at least once on BBLB.

What will Davina’s opening line be?
Will Dermot have ditched the Action Man haircut?
Who on earth can fill the skinny black hole left by randy Russell?

I’m getting palpitations as I’m writing this but that may be due to the Chilli Beef wrap I had for lunch.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Hell in Helsinki


It's nearly here again and we're going to be in the bottom 5 and most probably in last place with NIL points again. Even the crap entries are much better than our pathetic Pontin's Holiday pap.

This entry from Ukraine may be dire but it's tongue is firmly in it's cheek whereas our hideous lot have their heads suck up their fake tanned arses.



Flying the Flag sounds like a reject from the BBC Song for Europe contest circa 1989 and Scooch will be the laughing stock of Helsinki on the 12th. There may even be the biggest booos ever heard outside of a Big Brother Eviction when they flash the Union Jack flags at the end. What were they thinking?????

OK the voting is usually dodgy but in the end the best song usually wins (last year being a strange exception).

Thankfully I won't be around this year to watch our humiliation. I've decided to drop the annual Eurovision party, so there'll be no German sausage and Edam cubes at Chez Steps this year.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a massive Eurovision fan but I just think we've lost the plot. Not only is the song bad but the band can't sing and whoever created those ill fitting polyester costumes must have been on a very tight budget. The whole set up is just lazy.

Who cares if we never win. Just stop with the second rate Butlin's cabaret crap and let us at least be proud to support our Eurovision entries.

I've just received my copy of the Eurovision 2007 CD and my tips for success are:

Greece - really catchy pop dance song with a cute singer and sexy dancers.
Denmark - camp disco feelgood song sung by a drag queen in full feathers
Serbia - powerful and dramatic ballad with acrobats?!?
Switzerland - OTT epic about vampires.......yes vampires
Belgium - Brussells does Earth Wind & Fire

hyvää yötä xxx