Haven't blogged for flippin ages due to wasting my Summer watching Big Brother and being generally busy at work and at home. I've been travelling around a fair bit recently and thought I should share my recent transport calamity.
The day started badly when I cracked my forehead on the door to the airing cupboard and that left a hideous bump and a flap of skin that was a bit too big to rip off without adding to the unsightly wound.
Showered and shaved and whilst having some toast and coffee I had a strange feeling of being alone. Where was the dog? She's always sniffing around for any crumb-drops when I'm having toast. Went round the house and looked in her 4 beds - yes you read right! I have to search for her cos she's as deaf as a post now so no point calling for her. OK she's not indoors. Went outside and no sign of her on the patio! Now I'm getting worried. She's arthritic so she couldn't have got up the big steps to the main garden.........could she?
Having searched indoors again I decided to chance looking round the upper garden. Yes you've guessed. There she is wandering around and having a rare old time sniffing about.
I sneaked up on her and grabbed her gently from behind. She got a bit of a fright. However I got an even bigger fright when the smell hit me! She was covered in fox shit and now so was I!!!! Grrrrrrrrr..........
Back to the bathroom for both of us. Dog washed and me re-washed and I'm ready for the off.
Things were going well now. I caught an early train from Croydon to Watford Junction. Felt chuffed cos that meant I could avoid Central London. At Watford Junction there was an earlier train I could catch to Crewe and change there for Liverpool. That looked sound and I should get a connection and arrive earlier.
10 minutes out of the station the Inspector comes down. He was one of those people that you couldn't age. He could have been anywhere from early twenties to mid forties and he had what looked like 2 blobs of mayonaise on his shirt. I tell him I know I have to change at Crewe. He agreed but added that my ticket wasn't valid on this train!
I was really confused because I always buy Standard Savers and you can usually use them on any train. However not trains from Euston between 4-6pm on weekdays. A fact I wasn't aware of. He could clearly see that I wasn't trying it on but insisted that I buy another ticket as he had announced at Euston that these tickets weren't valid. The fact that I couldn't have heard the announcement as I got on at Watford made no difference and he took a very jobsworth and condescending stance. What is it with me and ticket inspectors? So I forked out another £70 whilst mumbling under my breath and making a note of his name for future Mr Angry email to Virgin.
I was livid and stomped down the aisle to the loo for a wee. In my stroppy haste I caught my new Timberland three quarter trousers on an arm rest and ripped the pocket on the leg almost completely off. This caused 2 foreign kids and their fat sweating Mother to laugh hysterically. I would have laughed myself but the inspector was still in the carriage and I couldn't drop my stern scowl.
When I got back to my seat with my pocket flapping around, a blonde chavette had appeared from nowhere and was sat on the table diagonally opposite. She was having a fight with her boyfriend on her mobile phone. It was all 'at the end of the day' 'no listen, right' very loud and lots of handwaving. She kept losing signal and screaming 'call me back, call me back' and he did so we had to hear her bloody stupid ringtone over and over again. This went on all the way to Crewe. Even my MP3 player couldn't drown her out.
At least she was gone and I went to check the time of the next train to Liverpool. 40 minutes and it's the train I should have got on back at Watford Junction so after all that I won't arrive any earlier.
Argument with a jobsworth in a stained red shirt, £70 lighter, trousers destroyed and a thumping headache. Just to add to my joy I pulled a muscle in my leg lifting my case up the stairs when I was changing platfrom at Crewe and now I'm walking like I have a swollen testicle.
Return of the train........my arse!
