This week started quietly after the departure of the pot bellied pig. It was more quiet than a Blackpool salad bar for the first few days after Bec's eviction.
Whilst King Rex got more comfortable in his royal role, Dale and Luke spent the week sulking on the deckchairs. All they needed was a windbreak and a thermos flask and they wouldn't have looked out of place on a Bank Holiday Monday in Whitley Bay.
Simple Stu has been doing his fair share of whinging too. Apparently he has very little success with women. Perhaps if he spent more time developing a personality instead of his biceps he might improve his chances.
It didn't take long for Big Brother to liven things up. The Cops & Robbers task was a hoot. The lads looked like they were about to burst into a rousing chorus of YMCA. The best aspect of the task was the fact that it wasn't a task at all. The real responsibility fell on Dim Dale to secure the luxury budget for the house. You didn't need Tarot cards or a crystal ball to predict the outcome. As soon as he sat in the interrogation chair his gormless grin just screamed 'I dunnit'.
The Nomination Booth was genius. Just proved that they are all a load of backstabbing liars who don't seem capable of keeping to their word. The Heavenly Officers used the opportunity to agree a tactical plan for this week's nominations. High fives and handshakes done they all went in the Diary Room and nominated other people.
A minor slip up in the Lineup task developed into a major headache for Lisa and Luke. Not only did they pick out the wrong girl in the task room but dug themselves deeper and deeper into the shit by slagging off girl number 3 in the lineup. Won't it be awful when the meet Rex's girlfriend at the wrap party!!!!!
The shopping budget was only £77 this week so rather than sweat over the price of chick peas, Rex just opted to buy tea, coffee, milk, sugar and some custard creams and blew the rest on 57 of Big Brothers Ever Changing Tokens. It was a genius risk but Big Brother appreciated his boldness and delivered a feast of epic proportions to the house. There was even a dead pig in the Store Room that had more personality than that Maythingy person.
Maysoon decided to leave this week. It looked like a push job to me. I reckon the producers were so hacked off that they'd put this dullard into the house that they did a secret deal with her to get her out. Probably secured her a modelling contract with JML to get her boring ass out of the house. Surely there must have been someone better at the auditions? Maybe they'd look elsewhere for the next housemate ;-)
After all the nomination intrigue, in and out of the booth, it turned out Dale and Luke were up for eviction. In what looked suspiciously like a panic attack, the producers decided to issue out a load of punishments for talking about noms and put most of the house up. Would Luke survive the public vote in this larger pool?
With so many housemates up for eviction we had a right good fashion show as they all squeezed into eviction outfits of varying quality. Kat looked like a pink flowerpot. Rex strutted around in an ivory hoodie with sequins and lurex. No doubt an exclusive purchase from the leisure range at liberace.com. Luke looked like a teenager going to his big sister's wedding and Rachel really should have thought about some tummy control pants when she was packing.
The Great British Public didn't let me down. Loathesome Luke got the Big E and I'm so happy that I won't have to listen to that affected little twerp for the rest of the summer. No doubt he'll soon be found touring Butlins as the ring announcer at their Holiday Wrestling nights.
Within minutes of Luke leaving the house Big Brother threw the housemates another curve ball and delivered another of his Ever Changes Prizes. Having heard endlessly about the extraordinary beauty that is Rex's girlfriend for the last 8 weeks, who should appear in the store room but the gorgeous girl herself.
Rex's princess cantered into the house like his very own My Little Pony. Tossing and flicking her rather dry hair she hugged and nudged her man with her slightly equine nose.
She was in trouble almost immediately after she jumped the fence to get closer to her man. Instead of being awarded a clear round she was quickly led back to Hell and told she wouldn't now be getting her suitcase. Don't worry love. I'm sure they'll chuck in a few bails of straw for you.
The best laugh this week had to be Mikey eating the hottest chilli in the world. It should have had a voiceover by David Attenborough. It was like watching the final death throes of a large lizard of Living with Reptiles.
This week ended with another highlight. The pressure finally got to crazy Lisa. After all the excitement of eviction night and Nicole entering the house, her fixed stare turned even more psychotic. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she crashed out of the house like the Incredible Hulk in wedge sandals. I think the Security Guards shot her with a tranquiliser dart before she caused too manage damage and she was back in the house within the hour looking calm and distant again.
The term 'box of frogs' springs to mind. I bloody love it!
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