The house Olympics was another genius task. The opening ceremony was more even moving than Beijing 2008. The housemates proved that you don’t need $100 million to put on a great show. All you need is a few yards of ribbon and a lack of coordination to get an emotional response from your audience. I felt like a proud parent watching his kids at the end of term show.
The highlight of the Games for me was Rex trying to make his palm tree look bigger whilst scratching his coconuts. I also loved Mikey on his podium in a gold track suit. He looked like an Academy Award.
Talking of awards. Mikey caused more discomfort amongst the housemates when he told another one of his awkward anecdotes. He grinned and nodded his way through a tale of the time he went to the toilet before collecting a radio award. After washing his hands he went straight on stage to accept the award with his knob still hanging out.
Mikey had another disgusting food episode this week when he decided to smear Darnell with melted chocolate and lick it off his nipple. It was like watching gay splodge porn from Eastern Europe.
I’ve been loving Lisa this week. The broad shouldered babe was a hoot when she was winding up Rex about him being such a short arse. He was fuming that Nicole kept wearing heels that made him look small. Lisa was taking great pleasure in making Rex feel uncomfortable about his lack of stature from behind her fake Prada shades. It was like Alexis Colby on steroids.
Lisa almost became cool this week but her coolness was short lived when she threw herself into a chorus of Agadoo wearing yellow lycra and knew all the dance moves too. She’s a walking Ripley’s Believe It Or Not show. We’ve had amazing facts about aliens and crystal balls but this week she outdid herself by announcing that Wakefield has wasps that are more deadly than rattlesnakes. Someone should tell DEFRA!
Poor Nicole spent the week trying not to mention Las Vegas strippers and wriggling out of Rex’s bear hugs. She tried not washing to repel his constant cloying but to no avail. Rex braved the whiff to suffocate her with his love whilst slagging her off to any housemate who could be bothered to listen to his version of this dysfunctional relationship.
Self conscious Stu bid farewell to a less than bothered house on Friday. The only thing I remember about his eviction was when he decided to dive into the crowd and the audience all backed away, letting him crash to the floor. Well you would dive for cover if a side of beef wearing a scarf was hurtling towards you.
The house has been even more paranoid than usual this week with everyone being suspicious about how genuine the others are being. Mo had the best response and proof that he’s the real deal. "I haven't over-exaggerated anything since I've been here," he said proudly. "I've farted from Day One that I walked in and I'm still farting. I'll fart just the way I farted when I walked in here." You can’t argue with that!
Only 2 weeks to go but we have X Factor kicking off to feed our need to laugh at deluded wannabes. My first impression of the new addition to the judging panel is that Dannii shouldn’t sit next to Cheryl. She makes Kylie’s less charismatic sister look like Skeletor.
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