G’day possums. I’ve been on holiday for a few days so missed some shows. The only thing of note that happened whilst I was away was when I slipped on the remains of a deep fried haggis and fell into the path of a Blackpool taxi. I very nearly had my own Alan Bradley moment!
Anyway back to the business at hand. What a bunch of dags. The lovely Pooh suckered the Pommies and had them reaching for their inner Kookaburra during a bizarre spiritual session in the garden. Pauline helped the housemates feel their animal spirits in her best Kath & Kim accent. Chanelle didn’t look best pleased at being told her guide was a deadly poisonous 3 tailed monkey fish.
The Chiggy’s finally called it a day (again) but by the evening they were canoodling on the chaise longue. Kate & Pete have fewer ups and downs ;-) Despite Ziggy saying that things haven’t worked out he’s still managing to wangle a kiss and a cuddle whenever he feels like a bit of lurve. He should mean what he says but then he never really says what he means so Chanelle will be dangling for a while longer. She should just tell him to rack off!
Nicky and Gerry clash on a regular basis so why the hell did he allow her to take her revenge on his barnet? I don’t think that his uneven back and sides will start a trend down Old Compton Street this summer.
Can’t get you out of my head looked more like a satanic transvestite gathering than a Kylie video. Gerry was so desperate to take the lead. I haven’t seen so much pushing and shoving in stilettos since America’s Next Top Model.
Spunky Brian celebrated his birthday and becoming a man with cider, cakes and Carole dancing like David Brent. The mouth of Basildon treated us to more gems like - What’s a Greek salad? Is it like a kebab? Then he surprises everyone with this pearl of wisdom - Politics is just showbiz for ugly people. He’s cleverer than he looks that lad. The way he outed the fake Pooh in the task was a stroke of genius.
On Thursday, the happy little Vegemites sang their hearts out for a piece of Peace and stood proud beside their shonky desert duvet. It was like Band Aid being sponsored by Poundstretcher.
Carole has well and truly taken control of the parenting duties and spent the week dishing out her own punishments for spilled jelly, missing toothpaste and flapping doors. Talking of which. Ziggy was treated to a Sharon Stone moment across the sofas. Unfortunately for him it was Carole’s bits that were on display. Strewth. How much more suffering can these girls inflict on the poor guy?
The lads naked nominations brightened the start of the week but Carole’s nagging finally made Ziggy snap and even the Twins stood up to her constant scolding. Well I say stood but they were actually bobbing in the pool in string bikinis with goose bumps.
Next up for a frightening haircut was Brian. I hope he washed the bowl afterwards. Carole will be on the warpath again if she finds a stray hair!
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