These boots were made for walking

Freddie & Monkety Tunkety were granted some respite from the madness this week when Big Brother sent them on a world tour. Everyone cheered and clapped except for a very grumpy Tracy. She’d managed to struggle out of bed to see them off but just sat there stony faced, glaring at the monitor. Instead of wishing them well she just shook her head and asked ‘are we in an asylum’. I’m surprised it took her 11 weeks to work that one out! From Blackpool to Beijing the cheeky chimps sent postcards and food parcels for the increasingly hungry housemates. Food is once again on everyone’s lips. Or not as the case may be.

Carole’s moaning went into overdrive after she was punished for stashing chocolate biscuits and interfering with an egg. She deflected her guilt by attacking Gerry at every opportunity. He couldn’t even say he was hungry or move a jug of water in the kitchen without getting a stream of profanities from the Kitchen Commandant. The scene was set for a Greek tragedy.

Tracy’s been like Dr Jekyll & Sister Hyde all week. One minute she’s everyone’s best mate and then the next she’s snarling at people from her duvet for faking their feelings and their real age. Has she never used online dating websites? It’s not uncommon for people on Gaydar to actually get younger every year ;-)

This was the best eviction of the series, so far. Gerry became the Guru’s chosen one after his gushing plea to save Carole. Beaming from ear to ear, he lapped up the crowd who gave him a surprisingly good reception. Davina seemed to have the hots for him when they met in the flesh. I think it was the jack boots that had her twiddling with her hair as she gave his best bits a once over.

Gerry wasn’t the only person in kinky boots on Friday. I flicked over to E4 to be confronted by Pete Burns looking like a 6 foot sex toy in black rubber up to his earrings.

Carole’s food obsession seems to be rubbing off on the rest of the gang as they squabbled over who had the best pizza after the Beat Big Brother task. Kara Louise made a sprint for the table and claimed the Chicken Supreme whilst the lads moped about with hackles raised like a pack of hyenas arriving late at a carcass.

The lack of sustenance doesn't appear to have affected Liam's waistline but obviously shut down supplies to his grey matter. During one of his laconic conversations with Brian, the jovial Geordie was heard to remark 'You cuddle Amanda different to Sam, but not in a physical way'. Is there another way to cuddle, like?

I learnt a couple of life lessons this week too. First off, Amanda & Liam taught us that you can pinch the skin on your elbow, dead hard like, and it won’t be painful. The other remarkable revelation came from Carole who informed us very wisely that the cure for cramp is to squeeze your bottom lip for 30 seconds. Thanks for the advice Carole. Now tell me what’s the best remedy for a bust lip!