Wish I Was There Part Deux

So I trek back home as I'm being summoned to work for another interview.

The dog's developed a nasty cough/retch combo in my absence so my first day back and I'm off to line the vets pockets again. £78 for some pills and a bottle of ear cleaner. If any parents are reading this crap, my advice would be to encourage your children to become vets. It's like a license to print money and no one ever complains because their little precious babies are worth every penny. It's simply not the done thing to whinge about being robbed blind by the bloke in the green coat with bad hair who just stuck a thermometer up Fifi's arse.

Got myself in a right 2 n 8 over my pending interview. Woke up with hives and the scalp scabs were itching something rotten. As the morning wore on I couldn't settle and just walked around the house picking up stuff for no reason and putting it down again.

As this was a final interview and I'm supposed to be on holiday they decided to do it by phone rather than make me travel up North again. By the time the phone rang my t-shirt was wringing wet and I was having trouble walking. My bum hole was red raw and felt like a blob of mince and drawing pins. Not even supersoft Andrex Quilts could prevent it's demise.

Actually the interview went really well until the dog had a cough/retching fit and I made a dash for the door so they didn't hear her. I tripped over a toothbrush charger and fell into the huge banana plant that I'm babysitting for my mate while she's on holiday. It was snapped in 2 but I got the job so it's not all bad news. I've got a few days left to think up a good story about the death of her beloved plant. I've got rid of the evidence. It's currently in small bits in our wheelie bin and should be land-fill by the weekend.

Without an ounce of remorse I was back off to the coast to continue my holiday. The rain started almost immediately.

Had a great night out with mates for a birthday celebration. We had a magnificent Thai feast served up by what looked like the cast of a fat ladyboy cabaret. Staggered back home and fell asleep on the sofa squinting at Charlotte Church with one eye on SKY+

Next day went shopping in Brighton with my mate. We got drenched darting between GAP and Mambo. Spent the rest of the afternoon damp and in charity shops as mate was searching for Scally footwear. He tells everyone he buys these used shoes to re-sell on Ebay. We all believed him until his Mum's loft collapsed and she was buried for 3 days under a pile of Dr Martin's!